Even the Kitchen Sink

 

Last week I mentioned that spelling was the only subject I ever got Ds in, “At least not until law school, and that’s another story.” Rather than leaving you hanging, this post tells that other story.

I attended law school at Chicago-Kent College of Law, which is a division of the Illinois Institute of Technology. Two of the reasons I decided to go there were 1) they had evening classes (and I needed to work during the day to afford it), and 2) they allowed students to start with the January semester. With a few exceptions, including the one I’m going to mention in this post, it was a great place to go and I got a good legal education there.

So when my first summer session rolled around, I had just one semester behind me. I wanted to take the only two classes that would fit into my schedule and didn’t have prerequisites I couldn’t meet. Actually, the Evidence professor tried to talk me out of taking his class because I didn’t have enough substantive background yet, but those classes weren’t actual prerequisites and I signed up anyway.

The other class was Criminal Procedure, which was supposed to be an easy A.

I should have known better. I had the same professor for Legal Ethics my first semester and ended up with a C. People who know me have a hard time believing I got a C in an ethics class, and I had a hard time believing it myself. Still, I was just finding my way in law school and didn’t ask the professor why he gave me that grade.

That was probably a mistake.

Law school classes weren’t like my undergraduate ones. Midterms were rare, as were quizzes. So in most cases I had no idea how I was doing until I took the final exam and got my semester grade. Still, I was fairly comfortable about how I was doing in Criminal Procedure.

When I received my final grades, I had one A and one D, and they weren't in the classes I expected.

This time I did make an appointment to talk to my Criminal Procedure professor. When I asked what I could have done differently, he literally told me that I should have given him “the kitchen sink.” And yes, he did use those three words. I don’t remember how I responded, but I’m sure I walked out of his office in shock.

In case any of you aren’t familiar with the phrase “everything but the kitchen sink,” it usually means someone has provided a lot more information (usually irrelevant) than necessary.

I believe in being efficient and providing only those arguments that a judge isn’t going to laugh at. So, although I probably didn’t say it at the time, I refuse to learn how to include the kitchen sink.

In the long run, that D in Criminal Procedure didn’t mean much. It wasn’t a failing grade, and a D was good enough to keep me from repeating the class. I did need a C average to graduate, but the D in Criminal Procedure was more than offset by the A in Evidence, and the rest of my law school grades were As and Bs with a sprinkling of Cs, so my GPA was never in danger.

It did teach me a valuable lesson, though. A good writer knows his or her audience, which I obviously didn’t. Still, it isn’t enough to satisfy the audience.

I also need to satisfy myself.