Close Enough to Perfect

Today is my 35^th wedding anniversary.

Like every wedding, it had those tense moments that give people something to talk about.

My brothers both had roles in the wedding, but they also had assignments for earlier that day. Gordon’s job was to pick up the food for the reception, and Donald’s was to pick up the bride. But first, my mother sent them off together to find candles for the centerpiece at the head table.

The problem? They decided to take a detour and visit a museum.

As Mama waited nervously for the food, I waited nervously for my chauffeur. Although I don’t remember for sure, I think the wedding did start on time. But it was close.

Then Roland held out the wrong hand when we exchanged wedding rings. I didn’t know what to do, especially since the ring wouldn’t go over his knuckle. I finally left it halfway on. But I must have giggled, because his uncle kidded me about it for years. And I never could convince him that it was Roland’s fault.

It wasn’t a perfect wedding, but it was memorable.

No marriage is perfect, either. Those people who expect it to be are doomed to divorce.

But mine is close enough.

Lessons From the Royal Wedding

Okay, I admit it. I watched the royal wedding. No, I didn't get up early to see it as it happened, but I did watch a replay that night.

And yes, I thought it was cool. However, it wasn't the dress or the ceremonial details that made it special. Here are two things that did.

The service began with these words regarding marriage:

First, It was ordained for the increase of mankind according to the will of God, and that children might be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy name.

Secondly, It was ordained in order that the natural instincts and affections, implanted by God, should be hallowed and directed aright; that those who are called of God to this holy estate, should continue therein in pureness of living.

Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity.*

What a wonderful definition of marriage as God planned it. Those words also describe my marriage, my parents' marriage, and other good marriages I have observed.

Second, this marriage appears to be founded on love. It shone out of William's and Kate's eyes when they looked at each other.

That's the biggest difference between this wedding and the one that joined Charles and Diana. That was duty. This is love.

Kate will face many of the same pressures Diana did, but, if I read it right, Kate will face them with a loving and supportive husband at her side.

And that could make all the difference.

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* "Alternative Service, Series One," from the Church of England's Book of Common Prayer. 

Love is Saying You're Sorry

I attended a wedding on Friday. Gordon and Heather are members of the writer's critique group I belong to, so I got to watch their friendship blossom into love and engagement and, finally, marriage. But "finally" isn't the right word, because marriage is a new beginning rather than an end.

Although I don't consider myself an expert on marriage, I have been married for 31 years, so that's a good start. (The picture is Roland and me in 1979. How we've changed since then!) I've learned a few things in that time, so I'm passing on some words of wisdom to Heather and Gordon and all the other married couples out there.

First, be realistic. Marriage isn't nirvana. Even the best marriages have times when the spouses don't like each other much. (Yes, mine too.) Marriage requires hard work and compromise, but it's worth it.

How many of you remember the movie Love Story from the late 60s or early 70s? It's most famous line was, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." I completely disagree. We all disappoint each other at times, and the strongest marriages have two partners who are willing to say both "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you."

Second, remember that marriage is a partnership. That doesn't mean losing your individual identities, but it does mean working together to satisfy each other's needs.

There is one more key ingredient--and the main one. Roland and I are both committed to God, and He guides our lives and our marriage.

So here's my advice to Gordon and Heather. Put God at the center of your marriage and keep Him there.

And don't hesitate to say, "I'm sorry."