A Forgotten Anniversary

May 12 was my 33rd wedding anniversary. With all the excitement over moving and then going to Missouri for Mothers Day, I forgot all about it.

We took Mom Camp out to dinner that Saturday night. As we sat there waiting for our food, Roland looked at me and said, "Happy Anniversary."

I'm not proud that I forgot it, but I am proud that my marriage is strong enough to survive forgotten anniversaries.

Roland and I have grown closer over the years, but our relationship still feels very much like it did in this poem I wrote to Roland three months before we got married:

For many years I walked along,
Rich in the love of friends and family,
But never feeling love for a lover.

Then I met you, and gradually
I knew that kind of love;
Not as a raging sea that tears at my soul,
But as a quiet, gentle warmth,
And a smile that appears upon my face
When I think of you,
And a comfortable feeling whenever we're together;
And now I know,
I love you.

Happy belated anniversary, Roland.

Finding Love at--A Writers' Group?

Between my own marriage ceremony in 1979 and my daughter's in 2006, I attended only a handful of weddings.

But last Monday I went to my third one in as many years. Not for my friends' children or my children's friends, either. For my own friends.

No, it isn't elderly widows or widowers remarrying. Believe it or not, I hang with a younger crowd on Saturday afternoons.

That's when the Highland Writers' Group meets. HWG members and guests critique each other's work, but we also share friendship.

And some members share even more.

Gordon and Heather were the first. They met at another writers' group, but it was at HWG that their romance blossomed and grew. And we got to watch it.

Mike and Janine were the second. They did meet at HWG.

That's two couples brought together by their common interest in writing.

Admittedly, Monday's wedding was different. Ken and Sunisa didn't meet at HWG, nor had Sunisa ever attended a meeting. Still, we felt like we knew her from Ken's descriptions. And as at the earlier two weddings, there were enough HWG members to fill a table at the reception.

So if you are lonely and looking for love, don't try a bar. Join a group that shares one of your interests, be it photography or bowling or writing.

Because love may be waiting in the chair next to you.

Love is Saying You're Sorry

I attended a wedding on Friday. Gordon and Heather are members of the writer's critique group I belong to, so I got to watch their friendship blossom into love and engagement and, finally, marriage. But "finally" isn't the right word, because marriage is a new beginning rather than an end.

Although I don't consider myself an expert on marriage, I have been married for 31 years, so that's a good start. (The picture is Roland and me in 1979. How we've changed since then!) I've learned a few things in that time, so I'm passing on some words of wisdom to Heather and Gordon and all the other married couples out there.

First, be realistic. Marriage isn't nirvana. Even the best marriages have times when the spouses don't like each other much. (Yes, mine too.) Marriage requires hard work and compromise, but it's worth it.

How many of you remember the movie Love Story from the late 60s or early 70s? It's most famous line was, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." I completely disagree. We all disappoint each other at times, and the strongest marriages have two partners who are willing to say both "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you."

Second, remember that marriage is a partnership. That doesn't mean losing your individual identities, but it does mean working together to satisfy each other's needs.

There is one more key ingredient--and the main one. Roland and I are both committed to God, and He guides our lives and our marriage.

So here's my advice to Gordon and Heather. Put God at the center of your marriage and keep Him there.

And don't hesitate to say, "I'm sorry."

Struggling Through Love 101

I spent my Valentine's Day thinking about the meaning of love. Not erotic feelings or even the experience of being "in love," but the I Corinthians 13 type. Paul says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (I Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV)

If I Corinthians 13 was a grading rubric, I'd flunk the course. We all would, because God is the only one who can live up to that standard. Fortunately, it isn't a required class for those who get their degree from Grace University. Okay, maybe that's a lousy analogy, but it was worth a shot . . .

My love is often selfish, and I can hold onto resentments for years. And there have been times in my life when I could truly say I hated someone. But I know those actions make God sad, just as my children's behavior could (and still can) make me sad.

I don't want to make God sad, so I try to follow His rules. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Or, to continue the bad analogy, I'm struggling through the I Corinthians 13 class because I know God wants me to take it.

The coursework includes love for friends as well as for family and everyone else. Although I've kept up with some old classmates and am trying to reconnect with others, I'm not good at maintaining long-distance relationships. One of my college friends with whom I exchange Christmas letters has gone through some hard times in her marriage. And although I tell her I'm praying for her (and do pray for her immediately after receiving the latest Christmas letter), I have never offered to be her sounding board. She may not need one, but what if she does? It's time to get out her address and send an unscheduled letter.

I want to make the same offer to the rest of my friends. I've always been a good listener, and sometimes listening is the best thing a friend can do. Not give advice, not spout Bible verses, and certainly not condemn. Just love and listen.

So if you need that kind of friend, I'm here.