When I was researching books to help children deal with grief, I came
across one with advice from Mr. Rogers. Yes, the Mr. Rogers of television fame
and the subject of a recent movie.
Dear Mr. Rogers, Does It Ever Rain in Your
Neighborhood? Letters to Mr. Rogers by Fred Rogers
is composed of letters to Mr. Rogers from children and parents with his
replies. The book is written for parents to help them respond to their
children’s questions.
The book’s pervading theme is that parents should encourage children to
talk about their feelings. It isn’t good to suppress feelings, and Mr. Rogers
has several suggestions for bringing them into the open. Besides talking,
drawing pictures and making up stories can be therapeutic even if they are dark
or fantasize about unacceptable behaviors. The important thing is to let the
child express the feelings that exist right then.
Chapter 7 deals with family relationships and includes several letters
about divorce. Here is an excerpt from one of his replies.
One thing that seemed to
help the children was knowing the divorce was not their fault. Separating and
divorce are about grown-up problems. Sometimes children worry about the bad
things they’ve done, and they think their behavior made their parents want to
get divorced. But . . . all children do bad things once in a while. And, even
in families where there’s no divorce, there can be angry times.
It can also help to know
that your parents still love you and that they will take good care of you, even
if they don’t live together. [Pgs. 114–115.]
Chapter 8 is dedicated to death, ranging from death of a pet to death
of a sibling. Mr. Rogers’ advice is the same in all these situations. Here are
two examples.
Most people—adults and
children—who have lost a loved one often feel guilty, helpless, and angry.
That’s only natural. Even if we have a sense that the person who died is in the
loving hands of God, there still can be painful and angry feelings because we
miss that person. Letting your child know that his feelings are natural may be
one of the most helpful things you can do. [Pgs. 137–138.]
Throughout their lives,
children will find themselves dealing with death. It’s not our constant smiling
that will help them feel secure. Rather, it’s their knowing that love can hold
many feelings, including sadness, and that they can trust that there will
always be people who love them and who will care about them through all kinds
of times—the painfully sad times as well as the joyful times. [Pg. 145.]
A blog post can’t do Mr. Rogers’ advice justice. Read the book for
more.
I highly recommend it.
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